How to stop doing what you do not want, for the sake of others?

Many of us are surrounded by people who persistently achieve our own and force us to do what we do not want to use our weaknesses. We feel ourselves in a corner and cannot resist. Perhaps the situation seems hopeless, but this is not so. The psychotherapist Susan St. Uelch tells how to stand up for himself.

It seems that you cannot agree with such people. When they ask for something or order something, they have a convincing answer to any objection and they will not stop until they achieve their. You feel like a toy in their hands, but you can’t do anything. They use fear, guilt, sense of duty, and even love.

This does not mean that they are bad people. They just do not know ways to get what they want, except for the only one, to drive others into a corner. Such a crushing person can be a partner, mother or father, boss, colleague and just familiar. It is inconvenient for us to repulse them, because we are afraid to seem aggressive or heartless. In fact, determination does not make you bad and does not mean that you are wrong.

You need to show assertiveness, that is, act confidently, but without aggression. You can and should be repulsed to the one who crushes. Here is a scheme of 4 steps that will help in this.

  1. Clearly say that in his demand you do not suit you.
  2. Explain what decision is suitable for you and, perhaps, to him.
  3. Offer solution options. Do not allow you to choose an unprofitable option for you. Only a or b.
  4. If he is not ready to negotiate, you will have to behave tougher. It is possible that you will be uncomfortable in such a role with habit, but this does not mean that you are wrong or unkind. You feel awkward only because unceremoniality yourself is not characteristic. But you have no other way to not be cornered in a corner.

What to do if it does not help and nothing changes?

Overall. You must stand like a wall without succumbing to pressure. Repeat how a hackneyed plate, what solution options arrange you. Speak in essence and without anger. If necessary, politely finish the conversation.

In a love relationship. It is not easy to confront pressure here because of feelings for a partner. But the relationship should be healthy. Talk to your partner without accusing him. Say what you feel when you are driven into a corner, and that the partner probably does not realize what happens to you at this moment. Explain what you would prefer. If this does not help, consider other options, for example, a joint appeal to a family psychotherapist.

With the boss. You can seek advice to Eichar or to a higher authorities. But before taking such steps, make sure that all your attempts to agree with the boss are documented.

With a family member. Try to write him a letter. Start with something positive, tell

us what he means for you, just be as sincere as possible. Then say that you would like to improve your relationship, and explain how exactly. Try to mention any of his requests to you. Why is it better to do this in such an absentee form? Often, crushing people are able to hear another person only when they do not see him in front of themselves and therefore are not tuned to the confrontation.

You can offer together to go to a consultation with a psychologist. This means that you value relationships and are not going to go to confrontation. I repeat once again: most likely, it will be uncomfortable for you to take such actions. But the alternative to them – to be cornered again and again and do what you do not like. Pressing people are very persistent and aggressive when they achieve their.

Of course this is not the norm. Healthy behavior suggests that people are kind and delicate in relation to others. But you cannot behave like this with those who are increased aggressiveness. Learn to defend yourself, but not put pressure on other people.

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